This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
