is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
