Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
