his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
