She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
