i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He did a backflip because drugs
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
