I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
