hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
