i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
