just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
