It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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