I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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