just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
