He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
