well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm both gender and math confused
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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