hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
