I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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