K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
