New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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