she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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