He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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