There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
