white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
