I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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