hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
