My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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