I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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