No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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