worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
