My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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