Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
