Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
