if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
