...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
