What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
