"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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