I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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