im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
