They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize