Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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