I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
