I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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