my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
