Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
