Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
