Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
