All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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