He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
