His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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