Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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