just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
