I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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