Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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