I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
