Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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