I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
