And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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