after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
