and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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