so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
