The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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