i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
