So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
